REASONS TO LIVE

For those of you looking for reasons to live beyond the DVD release of Return of the King, and the special in-cinema release of the long versions of all three, Peter Jackson said tonight after the Oscars that the only real holdup, aside from him filming King Kong, was the distribution rights, owned oddly by MGM, and suggested that the New Line and MGM attorneyshave a couple of years to go at each other. Also reported are intents to have McKellen, Liv Tyler (woo!), and Hugo - Weaving again, (leaving Bilbo uncast - perhaps I should warm up the old acting shoes - I haven't had a call in 25 years, time for a new agent.)

CRY ME A RIVER

The Washington Times reports that "Civil War groups in Virginia are outraged that the state of Minnesota is refusing to return a flag lost during the Battle of Gettysburg." This has been going on for six years, and the Virginians reportedly "now have the backing of key Virginia Republicans, including U.S. Sen. George Allen, U.S. Rep. Robert W. Goodlatte and Attorney General Jerry W. Kilgore."

Why is the Confederacy so important to these men?

But I enjoy it when this subject comes up, because it's an opportunity to remember again the deeds of the First Minnesota in that climactic battle against those who would divide our nation and hold others in slavery:

"The greatest regimental loss in any battle, in proportion to the number engaged, occurred in the ranks of the First Minnesota, at Gettysburg. In that battle, on the afternoon of the second day, the Confederates had broken through Sickles's ranks, and were about to seize an important position within the Union lines. They only body of troops at hand was the First Minnesota. Hancock, desiring to impede the enemy's advance until reinforcements could be brought up, ordered Colville to charge the advancing Confederate brigade with his regiment. Alone and unsupported it attacked them, drove them back, and captured their colors. But it was accomplished at a terrible cost; of the eight companies engaged - 262 men all told - 215 were killed and wounded."

Sure, you can have your flag back. Come and get it.

IT'S LATE, I'M TIRED, AND WONDERING WHAT THE HELL A ZOAUVE IS

Thanks to the Internet, no need to wonder. Turns out there was a time after Napoleon when the French were considered the premier warriors of the world, prompting a Zouave craze in America. Zoauves were still in the American consciousness in 1921, apparently, since Buster Keaton incorporated a (very funny) Zoauve bit in The Playhouse.

AND THE ESSENTIALLY PERFECT ALBUM WAS

Sweet Oblivion, by the Screaming Trees, produced by I think by Chris Cornell of Soundgarden and now Audioslave, who is a good friend of this guy I know. Really, this guy I know!

If you've ever driven a girl who's about to break up with you to SEA-TAC in the rain in an '84 Accord with a bad muffler, and you're trying to keep her from going because she is an angel talking herself into a path to loss and sadness and false dreams, which I haven't exactly, but can very easily imagine, this is the album.

Mark Lanegan is the vocal guy, and tours about under his own name.

look where you've been,
where every
woman's wasted

RICHARD CHEESE SOUNDSCAPE

Here.

EMINENT BIO-ETHICISTS NOT TEAM PLAYERS

Elizabeth Blackburn, a cell biologist at the University California San Francisco and former president of the American Society for Cell Biology, and William F. May, a medical ethicist and retired professor at Southern Methodist University, were dismissed from the President's Council on Bioethics...

Elizabeth Marincola, executive director of the American Society for Cell Biology, a nonprofit group representing basic biomedical researchers, said Blackburn and May were often in the minority on the council as they provided dissenting views.

THOUGHTS ON PUNGE

As the resident Seattle guy, I must add a bit: the tough, dissonant, punk rock/pop/big fat guitar sound was and is very Puget Sound.

There is so much, and it is not possible to keep up on it. A part of the ethos would be a desire for honesty. The Screaming Trees bowed to no one in terms of energetic sadness and perception, combined with a fat, bittersweet guitar sound (I've forgotten the name of their perfect album, which from your description fits well, from 1991) . Back in the day, Gang of Four hit a note of cool, righteous anger, and even Billy Bragg, when he's not lyrically bogged.

Much more recently, even dare I say currently, I've been suckered in by the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs, in spite of some MTV success. Intense power and vulnerability. (Also, the singer is very very sexy in a lower east side 1987 kind of way) And Lloyd, if you haven't check out KEXP from seattle (www.kexp.org), you must do so now. At least 1/3 of their excellent, grown-up grunge playlist qualifies.

THE PUNGE: THEORY AND DIVERTISSEMENT

This iPod is dangerous. As I put together playlists, I'm mixing things that ought not to be mixed, finding combinations and connections that perhaps man was not meant to find. Of these, the most potent is - punge - the intersection of punk and grundge.

When grundge hit, people said it was the new punk movement, and boomer journalists wore their pens to the nub trying to put grundge in a punk place. But they really aren't that similar. Some of the best punk bands were jokers, while the grundge bands were at pains to be humorless. Punk bands were often shooting for pop crossover, so Blondie, the B-52s and others made sure some their songs had fat pop hooks and twinky background noises ("Heart of Glass" is not a pundge song), a game most of the grundge acts didn't play. One of the most remarkable things about "Smells Like Teen Spirit" is that it hit big even though hardly anyone can hum it.

When I talk about punge, though, I'm not talking about the historical movements. I'm talking about an extremely specific mood or frame of mind. It is permeated with sadness and anger. There is not optimism in the usual sense, but there is often a defiant energy. Irony might be present, though in pundge's purest form despair and rage overwhelm it. Pundge is tough and dissonant. It is never expressed in a major key. Instrumentation is often sparse and at least somewhat acoustic . You can generally hear the lyrics, and the lyrics are usually extremely dark. It's music that fucks you up. Heroin is often involved.

Grundge songs that exemplify what I'm talking about are the unplugged versions of "Plateau" and "Lake of Fire" by Nirvana, and the unplugged "Would" from Alice in Chains. Punk songs in the same vein might be "Psycho Killer" by Talking Heads and "Never Say Never" by Romeo Void. Other songs I'd put in the category are REM's "Low" and Juliana Hatfield's "The Lights." As you bring in more songs the definition gets diluted, but this is where it starts.

There aren't many pundge songs, and you can define pundge by drawing a circle of rejected songs around it:
- Bowie's "Suffragettecity" - Tough but too slick. It's not pundge if you can hear the cash registers ringing.
- Petty's "Refugee" - pundge lyrics, but mainstream production values mean it doesn't quite get there.
- Beastie Boys' "Fight for Your Right..." - Sorry, no party songs.
- Sid Vicious's "My Way" - To qualify, the performance by the heroin-addicted singer must be good.
- Clash "Anarchy in the UK" - Pundge is about your mood, not your politics.

The toughest calls are the jokers. What do to with Richard Cheese's lounge version of "Holiday in Cambodia"? The Dead Kennedys' version doesn't make it because the wall of sound undercuts the pundge sensibility we're after. But Cheese's version, though intended as parody, is pure pundge. The lyrics and instrumentation fit, and he's really singing it, not doing a Bill Murray:

It's a holiday in Cambodia,
it's tough, but it's life...

Isn't that beyond parody? Don't you have to respect that? OK, maybe not. I'm still putting it on the playlist.

There are some obvious pundge acts where I haven't found the right songs, notably Lou Reed and the Pixies. Suggestions welcome...

BILL MURRAY'S SPEECH FROM RUSHMORE

They played this on "Fresh Air" today:
{addressing the students of Rushmore Academy}

Thank you.
You guys have it real easy.
I never had it like this where I grew up.
But I send my kids here because, the fact is,
You go to one of the best
Schools in the country:
Rushmore.
Now, for some of you,
It doesn't matter.
You were born rich, and you're going to stay rich.
But here's my advice to the rest of you:
Take dead aim on the rich boys.
Get them in the crosshairs...
And take them down.
Just remember:
They can buy anything,
But they can't
Buy backbone.
Don't let them forget that.
Thank you.

[ One person clapping ]

IT AIN'T KIWI LAND

New Zealanders try climbing in the Alaska Range, learn it's really freakin' hard.

LORD OF SOME THINGS

I caught The Return of the King again at Cinerama. It's still really, really, really good, and it doesn't hurt to see it at a technically perfect theater. I'm going somewhere to get drunk on mead, blow up some SUVs, and write love sonnets for Liv Tyler.

EASTERBROOK IN FINE FORM

Proximate cause of Spelman's semi-departure was Wednesday's release of this report from the National Academy of Sciences that says the health of creatures at the National Zoo is declining because they are not receiving "annual exams, vaccinations and infectious-disease testing." Oh, so the animals are being treated like the 41 million Americans who don't have health insurance!

GEEZ...

Mention F4ulty T0wers once, and now that's all the Google ads we get!

[For God's sake don't mention Britney Spears! If you mention Britney we'll be inundated with Britney Spears ads! (oops, I did it again...) -MoF]

GETTING THE STUDENTS COMFY WITH YOUR BRAIN

A memo with the excellent title of: Do's and Don'ts of Taking Human Brain Tissue Into the Classroom

["Do not conceal the brain between your hands, sneeze very hard, and simultaniously issue the separted halves onto the classroom table."

"An apron may be worn while handling the brain, but not a chef's hat."
-LoM]

ANOTHER VALUABLE ONLINE TOOL

I was just thinking, "I wonder if there's an online movie plot generator." Why yes, there is. And when you get bored with that, there's one for porn.


The Age of SPAM
an original screenplay concept
by MoF

Drama: A shell-shocked war vet teams up with an alcoholic ex-CIA agent to win a wager. In the process they rescue Parker Posey. By the end of the movie they hijack 6 cars and end up winning the admiration of their manager, living happily ever after.

Think Die Hard meets Once Upon a Time in the West.

CHILLING? OR FASCINATING, FUN AND CUNNINGLY ACCURATE?

This does not help my plan to ensure that these illustrations are never seen again.

ON another topic, Tim has 12 (count 'em) new poems on Where is Tim Young's Blog?, and may soon be off to Korea.

TIRED OF THAT STALE AND DINGY SEARCH ENGINE?

Try a shiny new one:
- Teoma [might also be a pickup truck, I don't know]
- Mooter [bonus points for getting two "o"s in the name...]

Mooter is too cool. To see its awesome power, type PWP's first and last name (in quotes), click Moot!, and see what happens. The first cluster is ok, but the second cluster (click "next clusters") is just chilling.

["Chilling" might describe the effect on PWP of the Mooter link to a list of "lost" souls. -UttDC]

BRAINS!

I've been wondering when this would finally come up - a collaborative project I'm working on with a sculptor is based visually on a collection of rat brain sections; I'll send photos later- what's worth reporting is that today I realized I need to call the UW Medical Center and ask if they have any pre-sliced sections of human brains mounted on glass. It wasn't an issue, or even on the radar, two days ago - but today, I must call around, professionally, for human brains.

Hope your professional day is equally stimulating.

[Ewwwwww!!! -LoM]

NEW ICE AGE IMPROBABLE

All that Schwartz and Randall did was to investigate the "worst-case" possible events, those that are highly unlikely to happen but, if they did happen, would be catastrophic, especially in their impacts on U.S. military operations -- "low probability, high impact" events, as they are known in the futurological world.

What are some other "low probability, high impact" events that should be studied?

[THE 2010 JAMIE BOLLENBACH RETROSPECTIVE AT THE SF MUSEUM OF MODERN ART-This should be studied carefully.

Also, the probability of self-replicating nanobots taking over the planet accidently; that GMO foods will create a monoculture of major foodstuffs that can be wiped out in months by a genetically engineered organism designed for another purpose; the date, of course, robots will create over 90% of goods and services; the date that increasing economic and power disparities in the US will create conditions more than 50% likely to erupt in civil war. -PWP]

ARNOLD NOT DELIVERING HIS STATE

The poll showed Bush's approval ratings have taken a marked plunge in the last month. Just 43 percent of California voters say they approve of the job he is doing, while 51 percent disapprove. In January, the numbers were almost reversed, with 52 percent saying they approved of the president's job performance while 42 percent disapproved.

[I'm still waiting for Arnold to deliver an excellent acting performance.-PWP]

MISSED IT BY THAT MUCH

We were minutes away from being told that a huge asteroid would hit the earth in 36 hours.

[As much as it pains you and me to have missed that, imagine how the folks at CNN and Fox News feel. Although I suppose Fox News would lead with John Edwards patting a handicapped person on the head before going to the destruction-of-the-earth story. -MoF]

[It's too bad they didn't make the announcement - there would have been day-long outbreak of very high quality sex- PWP]

NEW PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE
It appears that Suze Orman is VIOLENTLY INSANE.

MOVE ALONG, NOTHING TO SEE HERE

The Pentagon was just talking about the worst-case scenario, very unlikely. Don't worry. Millions will only die if the climate change is sudden, and how likely is that?

While you're not worrying, have a look at this chart.

OK, now back to work!

WELCOME YEAR OF THE WOODEN MONKEY

Thank God...It's Colors of the Sun Saviour Year of the Wooden Monkey

WITH BUSH LIES TAKING UP ALL HIS TIME, WHERE DOES HE FIND A MOMENT FOR THE PREVARICATIONS?

Hmm...Virtually all small businesses are out of the top income bracket where the lovely juicy tax cuts were.

MORE INFO ON TOP SECRET TROOP MOVEMENTS

According to the Telegraph, "the top-secret US commando team that spearheaded the capture of Saddam Hussein is heading for Afghanistan in the latest sign that the hunt for Osama bin Laden is coming to a head. Battle-hardened units from Task Force 121 are being shifted as intelligence reports increase on the possible whereabouts of the terrorist leader, according to an article in the Washington Times by a reporter known for his access to the special forces. The unit's technological capabilities could be severely tested amid concerns that bin Laden has obtained a dangerous device known as an 'Overthruster.' The Banzai Institute was unavailable for comment."

OK, I made that last part up.

AYFKM?!

Next target in the War on Terrorism: teachers.

ALMOST MAKES UP FOR RALPH

Record Unfavorability for Bush: 47%

DON'T MESS WITH CALVIN

Following Kid Podhoretz's argument that Bush is very smart but doesn't like to show off, Mr. Trillin points out that one place Mr. Bush's modestly really shone was college. Reading this made me think of that golden moment in the Hudsucker Proxy:

MUSSBURGER: All we need now is a new president who will inspire real panic in our stockholders. [Seen the dollar lately?]

ENTHUSIASTIC EXECUTIVE: Yeah, a puppet!

ANOTHER EXECUTIVE: A proxy!

YET ANOTHER EXECUTIVE: A pawn!

MUSSBURGER: Sure, sure. Some jerk we can really push around.


[Trillin also had a great term for the neo-cons: "Chicken-Hawks." And, for no reason, I am reminded of a classic Fawlty Towers exchange]

Mrs. Fawlty: "You know what I'll do to you, Basil, if I find out you won that money betting on horses."

Basil: "You'll have to sew 'em back on again, first." -PWP]

NICE GRAFFITTI SPOTTED IN BART STATION

All (and I mean all) of the advertising space in the Montgomery Street BART station is currently displaying (lame) ads for Microsoft's Pocket PC products, including about 8'x10' swath of the floor at the landing of the staircase on the platform. The text of the ad read: "Your stuff, now available at every step."

Luckily, it has been defaced by an enterprising comuter with a big-ass Sharpie. The words "stuff" and "available" have been edited to say "public space" and "sold."


[Last estimates I heard: you receive 3000 commercial messages per day. You are videotaped eight times per day. Thank god for punk rock girls, for landscape painters, for witty drunks, for sharpies with a conscience. -PWP]

PENTAGON: GLOBAL WARMING GREATER THREAT THAN TERRORISM

No kidding.

THE POWER OF THE INTERNET

Check out this map of who's online with the playchess.com server.

WHEW!

That was a five day conference. Can't hold the art back. Some things to report:

Almost all the good networking was at the art supply tables, where I snagged a bunch of free art supplies, met a few key department heads (incl a guy from SF Art Institute hiring in March), and, oddly, stumbled into a possible minor book deal to revise a work on teaching perspective.

There is at least one, count him, incredible video artist in America, Gary Hill, receiver of my unaccountably delayed MacCarthur Grant and creator of Tall Ships (if you ever get a chance to see this, see it immediately - It is a hall of shades. I saw it once and its haunted me for seven years)

Painting is in a strong, joyful, utterly contemporary revival, shards of apology are gone. You can even look for the return of naked ladies in bronze, thanks to my friend Mike MacGrath.

Which is not to say there is any end of arid, extra dry aesthetic dryness, dry as marble dust, dry as a martini soaked Stephen Fry quip, dry as a stack of 1974 Agricultural Forecast as read in the Kalahair Desert by David Brinkley: I, ROBOT PHASE ONE, dry and horrible and fascinating, like the collision of two Chadian Trains carrying corn flour in August.

A great line from the famed post modern painter Gerhardt Richter: "The theme of all art is wounded beauty." who on the other my former Prof Norm Lundin (nice essay here) describes as doing "decent enough grad student work."

And imagine this job from an art historian I met today, Herb Hartell, who teaches painting history at John Jay College in New York - the school for cops. I would laugh, but since they've got a teaching spot in painting open in New York....

PRETTY GOOD FLASH MOVIE

Dark, but good.

PHOTOSHOP PHUN

I try not to link to Fark too often since I assume everyone hits it every day anyway, but this is too good to omit.

EARLY INDICATORS

Here is the first draft of the Kerry smear, courtesy of the Washington Times.

Just caught Kid Podhoretz's rap on TV (info on Daddy here). Key points:
- Liberals like to think they're smart, quote famous authors and stuff. Bush comes from a different tradition, where if you're smart you don't show off.
- Bush is not an extremist, he's actually quite moderate because he got you a Medicare drug benefit and did much to Federalize education.
- Everyone is forgetting we are a nation at war, and Bush is a wartime president.

[I can't help but state the obvious - 1)if you really are at war, it's not something you forget. Otherwise, you're prosecuting a metaphor. And B) I think the real genius of Bush is hiding his intelligence by refusing to pretentiously "understand problems" or "make decisions based on descriptive facts" or "speaking a known human language"-PWP]

AND I GET ON MY KNEES AND PRAY...

Nader will probably run again.

MY GIRL KALI - (TIM YOUNG)

I think we all should become pirates, declare our true intentions, and then set sail! Let people laugh if they will, at least we are trying to dance. Sure, it is easy to stand on the side lines and sneer condescendingly. But who is going to be laughing when the dance is come to an end and it is time to hit the road? I'll have danced with that beautiful blue Chick over there, yeah, Her, the One with the ten arms, necklace of skulls around Her neck, wearing a skirt of severed arms, drinking blood from a skull bowl. Yeah Her. Nice, eh?

This is something She said to me:

Kali says,

I am the terror of Being.
I am the beginningless beginning,
the endless end.
Birth Mother, All Devouring Lover.
The joy of meeting.
The pain of parting.
The kiss and the bite.
The touch and the punch.
The blade and the dream of the dolphin.
I am nostalgia, smothering
in the attic.
I am Hope, refusing to get
off the couch.
Exiled, cast out, footsore vagrant,
slightly sinister
bum.
I am the returning hero,
brows bedecked with laurel,
the fragrance of burning
hecatombs pleasing to me,
carnage of the battle ground

I drown in blood,
and from it make life.
I am the lowest of the low,
turning disgrace to good red wine.
To become drunk on this vintage is to drink
from the lover's cup.
Behold me, and tremble.
With desire, not fear.
Recognize me and
redeem yourself.
Delight in my being,
taste the sweetness of your own.

REPORTING FROM THE CULTURAL FRONT

I'm low on blogtributions as I'm amongst my putative colleagues at the 4 day College Art Association Conference, held this year in Seattle - the world's largest gathering of contemporary artists, maybe 3000 people. For a certain kind of fun, check out the conference catalog

The conference has been remarkably free of bogusness- these are the pros, and my respect for the difficulty of the profession taken seriously only grows. The highlight of chief interest to this blog would probably the fierce argument that erupted in the Art, Science and Technology seminar on whether a collaborative development of a highly complex information display form with a set of architects, graphic designers, programmers, and weapons systems intergrating specialists at DARPA, yes, that DARPA, was art, or targeting.

This was the only situation at such a conference where you could ask 'what is art' and not have eyes roll so far back people's heads turn upside down. It was about to get ugly. The argument centered partly on the comments by a well-known astrophysicist urging, almost begging, artists to get into collaborative projects with the sciences and break down the assumption, which he considered false and perhaps violently dangerous, of value-neutrality on the part of scientists and worse, on the part of certain technological culture, who don't share basic science values. (This is all associated with the publication Leonardo.) Unfortunately he went out of his way to dis landscapes, and the most moral person I heard in the last two days was a gifted German landscape painter all too aware of how difficult it is to even find a landscape, and was despairing of the increasing difficulty of just being in a place, unmessaged, without agenda, looking with human eyes and standing on ground that had never been torn. The weakest response I heard in the last two days was the very same, and quite brilliant architect, trying to defend working with DARPA - "this was just after 9/11."

But I don't want to dump on this guy too much - I was reminded of a painter working for the NAVY in WWII, who developed a rather amazing portable SOLID 3-d chart of the ocean that could be unfolded and checked. This is at the same Undersea Warfare Museum across the Sound with a must-see item: the century old brass and glass clockwork torpedo.

A zillion directions, but let me finish with my favorite thought of the day, from surprisingly, a UW art historian. Beware of art historians or artists who fit this description: Big Words, Few Slides.

THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY

...is Orrin Hatch? "After a brief thaw, relations have turned sour in recent months as conservatives from Rush Limbaugh to Paul Weyrich, head of the conservative Free Congress Foundation, have lambasted Hatch’s handling of the investigation, which they claim has diverted attention from what conservatives see as a pattern of Democratic corruption."

DOWNLOAD EVERYTHING NOW

globalsecurity.org, a truly great website, may not be around for long...

NEXT: ROBOT TEACHING ASSISTANT
University Unveils Robot Receptionist

(Though no doubt there's more motivation for Universities to automate receptionists -- they pay them more. :)

[Robots! Run for Your Jobs! -PWP]

THAT'S OKAY, OUR ANTI-MISSILE MISSILE SYSTEM DON'T WORK TOO GOOD NEITHER

Putin watchs 2nd missile poop out. http://www.iht.com/articles/130237.html

BUT WHAT DO THEY KNOW?
Scientists Accuse White House of Distorting Facts

PUT A FORK IN 'IM
Dean Expected to Pull Back on Bid for White House Today

A GOOD LINE

"The voters of Wisconsin sent a clear message," Edwards said. "The message was this: Objects in your mirror may be closer than they appear."

NEW TIM YOUNG POEM (forwarded)

82% of Americans polled say
they believe in miracles.
So what the hell is going on?
Heads are lowered.
Heroes sag beneath
the norm.
I am waiting for salvation
at the bus stop.
Trusting the real to be
real, no matter what
the official sources say.

[ My response:
we americans
beat the russians at hockey
that one time, okay?
-LoM]

BEHOLD THE POWER OF...

...the Shizzolator!

DICK, *COUGH* *COUGH* WE'RE MOVING IN A NEW DIRECTION...

A recent Time Magazine/CNN poll showed nearly as many Americans think Cheney should be replaced as kept. Other polls show his popularity trailing Bush's by about 10 percentage points.

THE FATE OF COWARDS

The British didn't mess around. When Admiral Byng failed to destroy a French fleet he was tried and shot, despite being acquitted of the charge of cowardice.

Walpole: "He desired to be shot on the quarterdeck, not where common malefactors are; came out at twelve, sat down in a chair, for he would not kneel, and refused to have his face covered, that his countenance might show whether he feared death; but being told it might frighten his executioners, he submitted, gave the signal at once, received one shot through the head, another through the heart, and fell. Do cowards live or die thus? Can that man want spirit who only fears to terrify his executioners?"

Here are the 1749 articles of war. There are 36 of them. The word "death" appears 24 times in this document, by my count.

THE NATIONAL GUARD, BEFORE IT WAS DANGEROUS

The Daily Howler on the Washington Post's mishandling of Guardgate.

SAFIRE ON THE TOOLS AT FCC

Props to the rare honest conservative.

ANCHORAGE'S PRIMARY VIOLENCE, DEPRESSION, DRINKING, DRUG ABUSE CAUSE CONFIRMED STATISTICALLY

My long held theory of available singles ratios reported, in a rather different context.

Triumph The Insult Comic Dog on the Anchorage Dating Scene....

"SO ...how many cases of Coors Light are you supposed to drink to ask that out?"

"Ahh. You can smell the desperation!"

"The dog team! Yes, yes. A wonderland of butt sniffing!"

"Don't worry about it buddy - you couldn't get laid in Vegas either."

"I haven't seen so many Dicks since Richard the III."

"This explains the giant sweatshirts."

"This Lynyrd Skynyrd song certainly gets me in the mood- to Poop!"

I KID! I KID!
An Insolent Puppet Roils Canadian Politics

NEED TECH HELP

How can we get this banner to flash at the top of our blog?

DOES THIS WHITE HOUSE EVER TELL THE TRUTH?

Except that one fesses up at HHS: Lying and spinning about basic racial disparities in access to health care.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE PRESS

Wake-Up Time. Eric Alterman and Michael Tomasky.

FUNNY POST-ELECTION PIECE

Chronicle reporter crashes both Newsom and Gonzalez post-election parties (repeatedly), hilarity ensues.

CHEAP SHOT OF THE DAY

Microsoft source code leaked. Experts concerned that Hackers On The Internet will be able to penetrate these products' previously invulnerable security. Microsoft execs concerned that priceless "interrupting paper clip" technology will be incorporated into Linux.

For further entertainment, hit this link and search for the word "profanity."

[I think this is a problem when you leave the landscape littered with the corpses of your enemies: eveyone (in the industry) hates you, including many of the people who eventually come to work for you. Lately, this dialog from Conspiracy of Paper has been on my mind:

"I think," I said after a moment's reflection, "I shall rejoice upon your hanging day."

"You are bold, sir. I should think you would have learned not to think so lightly of me. You believe you can somehow outmatch me, Weaver? You are but one man, and my forces are legion."

"It is true," I said as I left the room, "but they hate you, and they will be your undoing."

-LoM]

THEY TOLD US THIS WOULD HAPPEN

I didn't think that allowing gay couples to marry would undermine the institution of marriage, but today has demonstrated just how wrong I was.

[Word is she digs toys. Rumors of an affair with this man remain unconfirmed. Speaking of action figures, this one belongs on someone's hearth. -MoF]

NEW GOOGLE AD THEORY

I just noticed that the ads on TTH shift right-wing; the ads on Eisengeiste were also often right-wing UNTIL we started talking about Dem strategies (dem strategies, dem strategies, dem DRY strategies), which suggests that the ads function as a crude Ironometer, spouting GOP banners as the posting tide turns more than 50% sarcastic.

NOT TO ALARM ANYBODY

Drudge says Kerry has an intern problem...

[Possible.. but there is no independent mention of this anywhere - and after his service to the country in the Clinton flap, drudge is of course also rather famous for being full of crap. -

Meanwhile, in other conspiracies, check out the detail of a Lt. Col spying Bush documentation in the trash in 1997, about halfway down the article. -PWP]

[If you're anything like me, you don't care if he has a "barnyard animal problem." -LoM]

[I've seen Kerry in person - a great guy, but so appearance-challenged I doubt that sheep would even be seen with him unless they were turned on by power - PWP]

[A Washington intern turned on by power? NO! -LoM]

[First Class: Clinton / Coach: Kerry / Steerage: Kennedy (ew! omigod!!) -MoF]

ACTUALLY THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE

"An emotional Rep. Heather Wilson (R-N.M.) compared executives of Viacom to those of Enron, and accused them of following the bottom line all the way to the lowest cultural denominator."

Return on Viacom stock since January 1, 2001: -12% (in line with the market)
Return on Enron stock since January 1, 2001: -100%

Microsoft Personal Self-Management Lingo

Because my life too revolves around constant updates, I have decided that I must create some uniformity in my life between personal habits and Micorsoft Updates...So.

--Breakfast will now be referred to "early morning tummy patch"
--Lunch will be "the mid-day peckish alleviation security add-on"
--Dinner shall be "evening critical noshing update"

Additionally, bowel movements will be know as "purging the temp files" and orgasms will be described as "Wow wee here comes the service pack!"

[Hey, I think I just had an idea for a porno flick... -LoM]

HELLO, I AM A WINDOWS CONSUMER

Hello Microsoft. I am a Windows consumer. I just bought a new computer. With Windows. It does two things. One, at two weeks old, is to constantly update itself. Two, it constantly reminds me to constantly update it.

This is to serve notice. As the whole de facto purpose of this infernal machine is to update itself, I will begin monthly billings to Microsoft for the considerable service of keeping its software updated.

EISENGEIST BLOGGER AD AI WATCH

This week: radiation detectors (2), North Korea (2), dirty bomb detector, anti-radiation pills. Better send some floral arrangements, our lives may depend on it!

[Even more frightening on TTH - this ad for NBC (as Nuclear, Bio, Chemical )attacks from an Israeli defense consulting firm, as well as a plea, again, for the RNC. Eek. Obviously, we've been too soft on Ann Coulter. -PWP]

TIMES OF INDIA FOR LOU DOBBS

Love this Indian headline on outsourcing.

HELL FREEZES OVER

"Fox television news anchor Bill O'Reilly, usually an outspoken Bush supporter, said on Tuesday he was now skeptical about the Bush administration and apologized to viewers for supporting prewar claims that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction."

Actually, this just looks like good damage control. Get this issue put to bed by summer, then Kerry can't beat you with it all fall.

[So they may think, but they still have a heck of a problem. From later in the article:

Gary Bauer...said Bush would move aggressively to regain the initiative once Kerry was confirmed as his presidential challenger.

"It's very important for the White House to continue to reject the insinuation that Bush intentionally misled the country over Iraq," he said.

When it comes to overthrowing another nation, accidentally misleading the country should be just as punishable as doing it on purpose. Bush will remain vulnerable to a well-crafted attack. -UttDC]

MICROSOFT WARNS SECURITY HOLE MAY ALLOW HACKERS TO USE YOUR COMPUTER TO ACHIEVE WORLD DOMINATION

So I guess the last 17 security updates didn't do the trick.

[This Yahoo quote really puts my mind at rest, however: "It does affect all (current) versions of Windows," said Stephen Toulouse, security program manager for Microsoft's Security Response Center. "We're not aware of anyone affected by this at this time." -UttDC]

[They should just report on days when this doesn't happen. Seriously, in 2002, by my count, Microsoft posted bulletins on average once every five days. Last year, once every seven days. So far in 2004, only once every eight days. So Microsoft has the problem relatively under control. :) -LoM]

IN THE SPIRIT OF BIPARTISANSHIP

Dig this graphic.

Meanwhile, in a far-away place called "Europe", John McCain ripped the Russian Foreign Minister a new one: "Under President Putin, Russia has refused to comply with the terms of the Treaty on Conventional Forces in Europe. Russian troops occupy parts of Georgia and Moldova . . . Russian agents are working to bring Ukraine further into Moscow's orbit. Russian support sustains Europe's last dictatorship in Belarus. And Moscow has . . . enforced its stranglehold on energy supplies into Latvia in order to squeeze the democratic government in Riga... Undemocratic behavior and threats to the sovereignty and liberty of her neighbors will not profit Russia . . . but will exclude her from the company of Western democracies."

OK, LET'S SEE WHAT KERRY'S MADE OF

"Neither party will spare us the dirt. But it's unlikely to be an even fight for one reason: money. Bush will have a huge advantage in ready cash -- the key to dominating the airwaves. Republicans also are better at this kind of thing than Democrats. Remember Willie Horton? And there's the campaign they waged questioning the patriotism of Sen. Max Cleland, a triple amputee and decorated Vietnam veteran, the most shameful campaign waged by either party since ... well, Willie Horton."

[A fair point, but ask Howard Dean about how many votes you can be certain to get for every $40 Million -PWP]

[Perhaps we can call it the Steve Forbes Law: There are some people who can't be president no matter how much they spend. -MoF]

SHAME OF THE BUCKEYES *or* RUMPUS IN COLUMBUS

"Three livestock exhibitors at last year's Ohio State Fair have been disqualified for allegedly outfitting their Holstein cows with hairpieces."

And it looks like the perpetrators were all Germans, too. Man, that hurts.

NEWSRADIO QUOTES

Someone put up a buttload at Amazon. Example:

Dave: Sir, you know that I don't necessarily think you'd make a bad president, right? It's just that I think you'd be wiser to start out smaller.

Mr. James: Oh, come on, Dave. What am I going to do- run for prime minister of Cambodia and work my way up? No, that's not me. I'll tell you what- between you and me, I think I can WIN this thing.

Dave: Maybe. Or MAYBE, you'll just make an ass of yourself in front of the entire nation, uh, lose all your money and your credibility, and become known as that crazy old man that children taunt by shouting, 'how's it going, Mister President.'

Mr. James: I don't see Bob Dole complaining about it.

BUSH'S NEGATIVES

I did a little work and averaged the Newsweek polls by quarter to get a sense of how W's negatives are trending. The answer: up.

Disapprove %
Q1:02 14%
Q2:02 18%
Q3:02 24%
Q4:02 29%
Q1:03 33%
Q2:03 26% (We won!)
Q3:03 38% (Oops...)
Q4:03 40%
Q1:04 44%

AXIS OF EVIL REVISITED

We now know there was an axis of evil, if by "evil" you mean nuclear technology transfer. And the membership may have been a bit wrong - Iran was working on the bomb, but Iraq's program was probably inactive, and Libya's was, unexpectedly very active. And the primary dealer was probably Pakistan, not North Korea, though North Korea has admitted to having a nuclear weapons program (and claimed nuclear weapons, though there is plenty of doubt about that).

So there was an axis of evil after all, it's just that the most important player wasn't named. Now Mr. Musharraf has a lot of 'splainin to do. Let's see, Al-Qaeda views your country as the best place to hide, you actively supported the Taliban, and you've engaged in nuclear brinksmanship with India while spreading nuclear technology around the Moslem world. Explain to me again why the world puts up with you.

America, Now in New Gestapo Flavor

This is how this sort of thing starts - a federal subpoena for University records of dissidents.

This plus the Greenpeace prosecution story, also extremely unusual legally speaking, points to a demonstrated intent of this adminstration to use federal police power to supress political dissent. Small incidents now. We can expect more, much more.

Please call everyone you know for voter registration by Oct. 1st.

[I love that the Feds refuse to comment on why they're doing this (perhaps they think they've found the 20th hijacker). Looking forward to the speedy trial in which the victims have the right to confront their accuser... Not discounting the Gestapo analogy, but actually, this country is looking more and more to me like 19th-century England, in which commercial monopolies dominated the country in the name of "laissez faire" capitalism, ruined their enemies with expensive and often fraudulent litigation, and the agencies of government were controlled by commercial interests. -MoF]

WASHINGTON STATE CAUCUS RETURNS

1 of 274 Precincts reporting:

36-1806

32 Caucus Voters, J. Bollenbach, Chair (by Acclaimation)

County Convention Count

Kerry 2
Dean 2
Kucinich 1

Quadrupule Average Turnout

OUAKE IN YOUR BOOTS, GEORGE W. BUSH

YALE ELECTION PREDICTION MODEL

Is here.

[No doubt the result of statistical analysis based on a sample size of no less than four presidential elections. -LoM]

[It's infallible. It's from YALE. -MoF]

HOW'S YOUR MONKEY MIND?

Men, monkeys, whatever.

DR. Z TAKES NO CRAP

When Ross the Intern from "The Tonight Show'' asked Patriots safety Rodney Harrison to name the wildest place he and his wife ever made whoopee, Paul Zimmerman of Sports Illustrated, who takes football as seriously as any writer who ever lived, told Ross, "Get the hell out of here.''

"What are you, the kicker?'' Ross asked.

"Yeah, I'll kick your ass,'' Zimmerman replied.

[Damn! You tell 'em Doc! -LoM]

MALAYSIAN PM ORDERS MALAYSIAN POLICE TO OBJECTIVELY INVESTIGATE MALAYSIAN PM's SON OVER ALLEGATIONS OF LIBYAN NUCLEAR DEALINGS

"Abdullah Badawi said there was nothing to fear from the truth."

GOOD POST, BAD POST

The NY Post has two schadenfreude niblets today, one a slam piece on Kerry that manages to paint him as both cheap and extravagant, and this fine piece of craftsmanship:

"For the second day, Martha Stewart lost her starring role as the dominating diva of all she surveyed. She watched in mute terror as a pipsqueak nobody named Douglas Faneuil - the ex-broker's aide whom she formerly ignored when she wasn't abusing him - drove stakes into her plush coffin."

CANNIBALS DEMAND TO TASTE WHAT MARSCHALIA HAS TO OFFER

Here's what your missing over at NationStates, an online government policy simulator game that Eric, Michelle, and I are playing. Today, I'm considering adopting this point of view as Marschalia's national policy:

'Civil rights leader Charles Thiesen came out publicly for moderate pro-cannibalism legislation, commenting, "While it may strike some as a crude, even evil practice, our ancestors have practiced cannibalism for years. If we create a government organization to strictly regulate and grade all human meat prior to its arrival on the market, we can ensure that respect for diversity is maintained while health concerns are also allayed. And instead of killing average people, why not make being turned into snack foods a post-mortem option? Like donating your body to science!"'

Finally, somebody who talks sense about human-food consumption policy!

[You need a friendly and engaging spokesperson who can be the subject of human interest stories. -MoF]

BBC ON KERRY

"Exit polls from Tuesday's primaries show that the main reason people voted for Mr Kerry was his electability...

"But the same exit polls show that electability is not the most important quality people seek in a candidate. The main thing they look for is "a candidate who cares about people like me", the second is "a candidate who stands up for what he believes". And in these areas, John Kerry did not score so well.

"That suggests that
- he doesn't relate well to voters
- voters are not sure what he stands for.

"Who does that remind you of? Al Gore."

[Close, but not quite: D voters are trying to look beyond people like them, or rather us; the slight but important difference is that primary D voters understand that the country as a whole isn't exactly people like them, or rather us. And the big internal issue, which is completely different from 2000 and which the British have generally been underestimating because they are missing the depth of the egalitarian ethic in the US, is whether to get Bush's head on a pike, or platter. The most informative trend isn't any candidates' personal numbers, its the doubling and tripling of turnout-PWP]

REPORT FROM THE KERRY TRAIL

After Kerry's triumphant appearance at the Seattle Sheraton last night, what everyone wants to know is, of course, how was Jamie portrayed in the national media? (all verified)

1) Heard shouting "when!" , waving hands on on C-SPAN
2) CNN camera pans rapidly past head at Kerry entrance
3) Raised hand on MSNBC
4) Feet walking beneath signs on Fox News shortly before nixing idea of telling reporter to give regards to "that cocksucker O'Reilly"
5) Heard on NPR in Thunderous WOO when Kerry announces Ashcroft to be dumped

NICE LANDING

"A" for steering plane away from crowd.
"A+" for surviving bailout one second before impact...

WHAT KEPT THE PATS FROM BEING UNDEFEATED?

The Redskins and this man.

Just note that the Pats crushed conventional wisdom (and sophisticated wisdom):
1) They didn't have a dominant running game - 100.4 yards per game was 2nd worst in the AFC.
2) Their results were consistently better than their stats would lead you to expect, as calculated by the folks at Football Outsiders.
3) Conventional wisdom among statisticians is that when you see a team do 2), their W/L record will regress to the mean. It didn't.

MEET THE NEW BOSS, SAME AS THE OLD BOSS

According to Apple's iMusic website, people who bought the 1980 Cramps album Songs the Lord Taught Us also purchased the audiobook The Second Coming of Steve Jobs. There's not a shovel big enough...

MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I BECOME?

My current Amazon DVD recommendations:
1. Naked Gun: The Final Insult
2. Treasure of the Sierra Madre
3. Mystery Science Theater: The Crawling Hand
4. The Pianist
5. Dr. Strangelove
6. Elmo's World: Babies, Dogs and More
7. Sunset Boulevard

HACKERS BREAK INTO NUCLEAR LAB COMPUTER, STORE MUSIC FILES

In other news, the RIAA is suing the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory.

PROOF OF DEVIANCY

"Magazines were also seized [at Neverland Ranch], but only one, the financial publication the Robb Report, was mentioned by name."

[That's sick! That's the sickest thing I've heard all week! -LoM]

GUNNING FOR GOONS

I would like to reiterate my recommendation for the characterization of obnoxious right-wingers as goons. Goons sounds brutish, servile, vaguely comic, dispells notions of accomplishment, and casts indirect aspersions on the independence, intelligence or manhood of the Goon in question, as in "Vietnam subjugated by Wieden and Kennedy Marketing Goons" or "Ann Coulter Renews Contract as Fox News Goon, " or "Rant Radio Goon Returns to Rehab."

[ I can dig it. -LoM]

KERRY'S RATHER INTERESTING NUMBERS

The Newsweek poll which had Kerry ahead of Bush last week, greeted with wide skepticism, is supplanted by a new poll demonstrating a wider, 51-43 (yes, you read that right) lead. Aped by Bush's approval going under 50% for the first time. Yes, this must be taken in context. But it's a very positive sign, worth drinking to, as even now do I. (Sound of brandy draining). Even Pat Buchanon had some interesting advice - get around Bush to the left AND to the right. He was talking about immigration, but better, I think, with Veterans PERSONAL, as opposed to weapons systems, issues: health care, respect, shameless use of Kerry' Born to Kill Peacenik record, and a keen understanding of the difference between Pentagon goons and the actual millions of men and women who served the nation in uniform.

AS HEALTHCARE AND EDUCATION BUDGETS ARE CUT

The FCC to spend your tax dollars investigating Janet Jackson.


[Between this and the famous Ashcroft covering up the Boobs of Justice, we might well conclude that the GOP is terrified of Breasts! -(which suggests several interesting and not entirely innocent courses of action) -PWP]

GOOD SPY STORY

It might even be true.

[Interesting, particularly when the appellation "Central Fiasco Agency" might normally be more appropriately applied..-PWP}