SICK OF YOUR JOB?

Try this one.

[Not enough money in California....PWP]

FAR NORTH DEMS GETTING UPPITY

Mad props to Eric Croft...!

"The group that wants to place an initiative on the November 2004 ballot requiring a special election for vacancies in the U.S. Senate has collected 36,000 signatures in two months. Trust the People says only about 24,000 of those signatures need to be verified to place the issue on the ballot.

"Trust the People is made up of three democrats in the state house. It was formed after Governor Frank Murkowski appointed his daughter Lisa to his seat in the senate. 'I think people just instinctively knew that this was the difference between an appointment, somebody telling them who's going to be their representative or senator, and an election,' says Democratic Representative Eric Croft."

My Wall Street political service says "only in Alaska is a Republican [Senate candidate] in real trouble."

[My friend Peggy Wilcox works for Eric - I met him briefly while leaving a Post-It of Greeting -PWP]

MAN OF THE DAY

Very Cool: Proving the Poincare Conjecture.

Even Cooler: Ignoring the prize money. "Known for his single-minded devotion to research, he seldom appears in public; he answers e-mails from mathematicians, but no one else."

Coolest: Revolutionizing mathematics. "While working out the Poincare Conjecture, Perelman also seems to have established a much stronger result, one that could change many branches of mathematics. Called the "Geometrization Conjecture," it is a far-reaching claim that joins topology and geometry, by stating that all space-like structures can be divided into parts, each of which can be described by one of three kinds of simple geometric models. Like a similar result for surfaces proved a century ago, this would have profound consequences in almost all areas of mathematics."

BEFORE YOU LAUGH

Neil O'Donnell, who hopped out of his lounge chair and led the Titans to a 33-13 victory over the defending world champion Tampa Bay Bucs Sunday, has the fewest interceptions per attempt in NFL history.

SEAHAWKS SURE TO WIN

"The Packers are seven-point favorites at home against the Seahawks. That's high praise for a team that lost three games at home and didn't have a playoff berth wrapped up until Nathan Poole hauled in a 28-yard touchdown pass Sunday with no time left at Sun Devil Stadium in Tempe, Ariz."

ANOTHER FINE DIVERSION

I finally saw Scotland, PA this weekend. I can't quite put my finger on the reason why I liked it. It doesn't quite live up to its promise (MacBeth in a 70's fast food setting), but Christopher Walken is excellent as MacDuff. It doesn't take itself too seriously (probably why it fails as art), but there is a special something about it that invites repeat viewings.

THOSE ATM FEES WILL KILL YOU

Earlier this month, Iraq's finance minister said his country was preparing to demand some $3 billion in cash held in Syrian state banks under deals struck with Saddam's government. A Syrian official, however, said the amount was in the millions, not billions and Syria's ambassador to the United Nations (news - web sites), Fayssal Mekdad, said on Monday his country would cooperate in helping Iraq recover any funds.

"Whatever the amount is, Syria is faithfully implementing Security Council resolutions in this regard," he said.

NOT TO START AN ARGUMENT OR ANYTHING

"While watching 'ROTK' you can't help but think there is stuff missing, and you wonder if it was done to sell the eventual extended DVD. The editing of 'ROTK' just felt strange. At almost 3 1/2 hours, 'ROTK' still felt thin, like there were major moments, and transitional bits missing."

LET THE NFL TREMBLE

"For once in the life of an apparently forsaken franchise, the cursed, beleaguered, no-account, never-mind Seahawks, a team recently and absurdly haunted by referees who can neither run nor tell time, finally caught a break.

"The team that is to bad karma what white is to snow, made the NFL playoffs."

According to this analysis they could go to the Super Bowl (4th paragraph).

CONTROLLABLE ANCHORAGE LIVE VIDEO CAMERA

For Those Who Miss Winter at the Lake Otis -Correction: sorry, Park n Sell Lot at Lake Otis and Tudor, not DMV

Note the Zoom feature.

[Ahhh, my oil company's tax dollars at work. Note that the DMV is now on Benson. -UttDC]

SCIENCE MARCHES FORWARD

Periodic table of condiment perishability here.

Finally, Somewhere for Bond to Stay in Fairbanks

Alaska's First Ice Hotel

GOOD FILM

While your friends obsess over hairy little monkey-creatures fighting demon hordes, perhaps the road less-travelled? Easily available in Chinatown, or you can borrow mine.

ERICKSON'S BAD MOJO IS STRONGER

49ers fall to the Seahawks. "Now the Seahawks need Minnesota to lose at Arizona, or Denver to beat Green Bay at Lambeau Field on Sunday. Seattle also could get in if Dallas loses at New Orleans, kicking off a complicated scenario that would eliminate the Packers."

DAVID BYRNE: HEY, POWERPOINT'S COOL

Jimmy Guterman, 41, a writer whose Boston-area office includes posters of Tufte and Byrne, said he feels like the child of divorce.

THE O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. O. "G"

Just Click Here

[ROTFL -MoF]

YES YOU HAVE

"I have never been around anything like this," coach Dennis Erickson said, alluding to his team's losing record despite good-looking stats.

This analysis from Football Outsiders demonstrates that the 49ers have about as many wins as you'd expect from the way they're playing. Estimated wins: 6.8, actual wins: 7.

One game shy of .500 - yes Dennis, you've been here before.

THE QUEEN MARY 2 IS BIG

How big? The paint weighs 250 tons. Displacement of selected vessels:

Jahre Viking: 565,000 tons (when fully-loaded w/ crude oil)
Starship Enterprise: 190,000
Queen Mary 2: 150,000
Voyager of the Seas: 140,000
USS Nimitz: 80,000 (largest warship in the world)
Queen Mary 1: 80,000
Titanic: 70,000
Yamato: 65,000 (largest battleship ever)
Bismarck: 42,600
HMS Dreadnought: 18,110
HMS Victory: 2,500
PT Boat: 56

IT'S GOOD TO SEE EVERYONE GETTING ALONG

Pyongyang, December 25 (KCNA) -- Leader Kim Jong Il received a floral basket from Palestinian President Yasser Arafat on the occasion of the 12th anniversary of his assumption of the supreme commandership of the Korean People's Army and the New Year Juche 93 (2004). It was handed today to Foreign Minister Paek Nam Sun by Palestinian Ambassador E.P. to the DPRK Shaher Mohammed Abdlah.

YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING

What ever happened to David Gates?

HAWAIIAN JESUS

There is a Pidgin Bible in Hawaii that frequently makes more sense to me than the regular translations:

"I give you guys one new ting you gotta do: show love an aloha fo each odda. Jus like I get love an aloha fo you guys, dass how you guys gotta get love an aloha fo each odda. If all you guys get love an aloha fo each odda, den everybody goin know you my guys." (John 13:34-35)

REINDEER THUGGERY

After the latest reindeer mugging incident, my thoughts turn to my childhood, and my annual bafflement over the song "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer."

First of all, is his nose red, shiny, or glowing? I know what the pictures show, but the text is decidedly ambiguous. Even if it's glowing, how is that helpful for navigation? Ask any pilot if they'd like a big, bright, round red light attached to the nose of their plane. I think it would do more harm than good.

Second, due to his deformity, he is deliberately excluded from reindeer games. And my question is where the hell is Santa? Where is the great bearded arbiter, who is so preoccupied with right and wrong that he takes special care to use Christmas to punish children whose behavior he does not approve of (going to their houses to put coal in their stockings)? But Mr. Big Shot apparently can't control his own staff, letting them bully the weak and less-fortunate. Until, of course, Rudolph is favored by Santa. "Then all the reindeer loved him" - the hypocritical bastards. Their amoral respect for power is more understandable when you remember that they're Russian.

Third, what did Santa do in foul weather before Rudolph was born? Stay home?

I love Christmas. It's reindeer that piss me off.

HAIG MORE FUNNY THAN FRANKEN

He is a stitch - when Mort Sahl is delivering the lines.

DUMB, FUNNY, EXISTENTIALLY RELEVANT

Just to tie together mysticism, Lenny Bruce, dumb/funny, and the holiday season, here is an excerpt from the Horgan book mentioned below:

"Zaehner denigrated the experience [a mescalin-induced giggle-fit] as 'trivial' and 'anti-religious.' The Catholic theologian was either unfamiliar with or dismissive of the notion of the laughing Buddha, whose liberation from this vale of tears manifests itself as belly-jiggling mirth [Buddha, Santa, whatever... - MoF]. 'Good and evil reconciled in a laugh!' William James scribbled down just after inhaling nitrous oxide."

THEY FORGAVE GALILEO, THEN LENNY

Who remains?

SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, IS ALWAYS WORKING ON SOMETHING

Alaska: Jah is My Lead Dog

SADLY, I TOO AM PREGNANT ONLY WITH MEANING

Eiserne Gemüter is a dumb name; its only attraction is the umlaut. Weisenheimer Commuter trips cheerfully of the tongue but lacks the iron-mindedness of Eisengeiste. Notwithstanding my need to be pedantic about nearly useless knowledge I spent painful hours acquiring, Eisengeiste, is the clear choice. It approximates German in just the way we approximate literate and cultured people. It's an accurate near miss; what we lack in iron spiritedness we make up for with dumbness and funnyness. It means exactly what it (doesn't) mean, in its metameaningness.

[Word! -UttDC]

CDC WARNS OF VIRULENT STRAIN OF MARTHAMBLES

I woke up this morning with a marthamble on my eye. I knew it was a marthamble. Which led me to find out exactly what marthambles is. Unfortunately, nobody knows, not even Patrick O'Brian. Here's his explanation:

"Marthambles is a very fine word that I found in a quack's pamphlet of the late 17th or early 18th century advising a nostrum that would cure not only "the strong fires" and a whole variety of more obvious diseases but the marthambles too. I have never seen it anywhere else and it has escaped the OED."

THE CASE FOR EISENGEISTE

Speaking as a persistent though guilt-ridden monoglot and all-around goody how-how Americanizerist, I must with an iron mind/spirit defend Eisengeiste's essential being (or rather whateverthehellitiseneisten, from the German Whimsical) as a tentative English proper noun, established by common usage amongst us assorted Eisengeistenervolks, its foreigner-type origins notwithstanding.

TOPPER OF THE WEEK

Q: "What'd you get your Carnegie medal for?"
A: "Fighting off a polar bear with a penknife."

LOTT AGONISTES

His vote for the Medicare drug benefit was the toughest of his career. Unlike Samson, Lott passed on the opportunity for revenge, and voted for “the worst damn thing that I have ever seen Republicans do.”

SEAHAWKS UNDEFEATED

At home...

WHAT IS THE NAME OF THIS BLOG?

Ironminds.com was a very hip Salon-like site in the dot com era that did edgy stuff (Google search "Ironminds" + "edgy" yields 140 hits) like this. They had a blog. So my theory was to up the ante and do it in German, to sort of highlight our commitment to irony.

Geist, of course, is more than just "mind" - it is as pregnant with meaning and association as the Greek logos. When I was in college I roomed with a philosophy major and asked him how to pronounce it. He ruffled his hair, opened his eyes real wide, and screamed "GEIST" in an insane German accent.

So the original name for the blog was the deliberately illiterate "Eisengeists". But we ended up with Eisengeiste because it at least had a chance of being right. We figured if it's right, it demonstrates how literate and cultured we are. If it's wrong (and I guess it's officially wrong now), it's dumber, but funnier.

But maybe the joke's wearing thin. We can rename it Eiserne Gemüter - or Weisenheimer Commuter or something else that sounds like it but means something different. Or maybe an anagram...

Suggestions?

EXCELLENT BOOK

Just finished Rational Mysticism by John Horgan (formerly a writer for Scientific American). The book is basically a series of interviews with people who are after enlightenment in one way or another, including Al Gore's favorite guru (who claims to have achieved zen enlightenment, but whom the author finds incredibly annoying) and the inventor of LSD. Zen, mescaline, postmodernism, and many other approaches are investigated.

Unsurprisingly, Horgan does not find scientific proof of the validity of mystical experiences. But the book is interesting in a dozen different ways. It demonstrates the incredibly lame work done so far on the physiology of meditation, and debunks some of the myths around the psychedelic movement. I think inadvertently the book demonstrates what a Harvard thing the psychedelic movement was - not just Timothy Leary - there must be half a dozen Harvard types in this book ingesting Amazon hallucinogens and whatnot.

Horgan himself tilts toward gnosticism, which views the creator as a malevolent demon. He takes as evidence of this the death of a 43 year-old Stanford astrophysicist specializing in the study of low-probability events. A father of three, he was killed when a car ran through the front window of the coffee shop where he was sitting - on Father's Day.

VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN

In this case, it's worth the risk of spam.

Trot on over to MARRIAGE POLL and let the screwheads at "The American Family Association" know that you support the rights of fudgepackers and muffdivers to get married.

While you're at it, why not visit Wednesday night on the 2003 Billboard Music Awards, Fox allowed the use of the "f" word and two uses of "cow sh-t" and let them know that you object to the use of foul language like "Prada purse" on television. As the AFA says: It is time to take a stand for the future of our children.

AND IN A RELATED STORY


[The "Ultimate Penalty"? No! Not the Menudo records! Kill me! Please! -MoF]

MY BUDDY SADDAM

The prospect of a trial for Saddam will raise an embarassing history of buddy talk with all kinds of people.

For THOSE WHO DAIN'T KNOW

I just found out Eisengeiste means "Iron Mind," which does not argue the legitimacy of my contributions.


[Saved! Babelfish and my sister say it really means "iron spirit." -UttDC]

[Ahem. I spent way too many hours cramming German nouns and irregular verbs into my tiny mind to let this pass. Iron Spirit=Eisernergeist. Iron Spirits=Eisernegeister. You see, when "iron" is used as an adjective, rather than a noun, it must take the adjectival form "Eiserne" rather than nominative form "Eisen", else it be taken for a list of nouns. Further, the adjectival form must match the noun in case, number, and gender, hence, Iron Minds=Eiserne Gemüter.

Next lesson: "Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzungen" (speed limits), "Antibabypillenknick" (Decline In Birth Rate Due To Wide-Spread Use Of Birth Control Pills and "Foose ist pedantisch." (Foose is pedantic.). - CSG]

THE THREE MANLY SPORTS

I am working to identify the three manly sports mention in this Mongol Messenger article:

"President N.Bagabandi and his spouse A.Oyunbileg paid an official visit to Japan on December 3-8. On December 4, the President and his wife visited the Japanese Emperor Akihito, and Empress Michiko. They exchanged opinions on mutual co-operation, culture, art and customs and traditions. The Mongolian President talked about Mongolian nature, the seasonal changes in the country, its climate, the traditional Three Manly Sports, the rules of Mongolian chess, folk toys and games. The conversation moved on to the Mongolian professional sumo wrestlers, Asashyoru, Kuokysuzan, Kuokotenho and others. At the end of their meeting, the President invited Emperor Akihito to visit Mongolia."

Ah ...Traditional Wrestling, Archery, and Horseback Riding

[Rules for Mongolian chess include: no biting. Third-parties and spectators not allowed to throw punches. -LoM]

[I am given to understand that one of the sports is Mongolian Polo which involves swords and only the occasional loss of life. -CSG]

[I read that Go and Rally racing are up and coming. Nobody tell me that Go isn't a manly sport. - UttDC]

DOWNED BY CRABS!

Huzzizzle! Another legal lawerin' landmark in the career of Leneord J. Crabs. Read about it here.

HOW TO BE A PAIN AT LOTR

[Just to show you that I'll do anything to revive our beloved blog, I'm cribbing from a humorous email, edited to maintain the high standards of Eisengeiste. -LoM]

1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell's Harry Potter?"

2. At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.

3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."

4. At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians

5. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.

6. When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck.

7. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.

8. Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator" sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins.

9. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"

10. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "THAT'S WHAT I'M TOLKIEN' ABOUT!"

LAIRD OF MAUI

Three important Hawai'ian phrases you must know:
Hello/Goodbye = "Aloha"
Thank you = "Mahalo"
What's up = "Shit, you see what Laird Hamilton did?"

In a world full of X-treme Mountain Dew-chugging goatee-sporting "dude"-spewing dilettantes, one man stands alone as the authentic extreme adventurer. Around here he makes Michael Jordan look like Gary Coleman.

Words cannot do justice, although if any white man can honestly say "I was raised a poor black child," it would be Laird Hamilton. There's books, there's films, there's anecdotes. He gets hurt a lot - says he stopped counting at 1,000 stitches.

Actually he reminds me of a routine Richard Prior did about Sugar Ray Robinson. Someone would be talking about his favorite boxer, and Prior would just say: "what about the time he fought Sugar Ray?" A question invariably met with sullen silence.

Hamilton's about the same. Some guy's talking about his favorite rad cool x-treme sportsman and you can say "yes, someday he might be the equal of Laird Hamilton. After he surfs the biggest wave ever ridden by a human."

[I'm waiting for the Imax movie - UttDC]

According to the New York Times, the Copyright Board of Canada has declared that:

Downloading copyrighted music from peer-to-peer networks is legal in Canada, although uploading files is not, Canadian copyright regulators said yesterday.



Presumably, this precedent will perforce lead to the finding that buying cocaine is legal, but giving it away it is not.

The permissibility of soliciting vs. pimping remains undecided.

[Alright! Free Coke and Music! -PWP]

[Canadians are have trouble with drug cos. reluctant to subsidize drug arbitrage. Sick of selling product to the Canadians that ends up back in the U.S. via Internet pharmacy, the drug companies have put them on allocation - if they want more Viagra after that's used up they can get on a bus to Buffalo and buy it like the rest of us. -MoF]

Will this drinking game make The Simple Life viewable?

(I will never know.)

NPR FOR ME TO POOP ON

Triumph on Fresh Air

[My favorite bit was the Bill "we know what's going on here" O'Reilly spoof -UttDC]

HELLO, POT? THIS IS THE KETTLE...

Do Americans really want a man a former president called "strange" on the coinage?

[Drat! You beat me to it! I have a hunch Nixon will be entertaining us with his zany antics for years to come. -MoF ]

[I remember an old lefty sorbriquet from the 80's: Jane Wyman was right. -PWP]

TODAY IS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY

About once a year I go up to a car rental counter and they say: "I'm sorry sir, there are no mid-sized sedans left. Would you like a Ford Mustang instead?" I briefly weigh the pros and cons, then shout "Boo yeah!"

Why is it such a cool car? It's not just its looks, its storied history, or the special connection it has with San Francisco. It's the ability of FoMoCo to maintain a consistent identity for the car over the years. Three simple ingredients:

Power - The Mustang always has a great power/weight ratio. No matter how fast you're going, or what the situation is, you simply push down on the pedal on the floor and it goes faster. It's not some Japanese buzz bomb that you have to rev up to 5000 RPM to get onto the freeway. And it's not some super-pig SUV that crawls from 0-60 despite having a V-12 turbo under the hood. And it's especially not some lame-ass hybrid. It is a powerful, sporty automobile.

Handling Excitement - We've had some fatalities recently on the Pacific Coast Highway as BMW and Audi drivers, lulled by the sophisticated handling of their vehicles, dozed off and plunged into the sea. This cannot happen in a Mustang. Any change in road direction, however minor, requires immediate operator input to keep the car on the road. This encourages the driver to be alert and engaged at all times.

Proletarian - With an MSRP of 18-35,000 (a used one might run 10 grand) you can afford it. You don't have to bring your resume to the showroom. You don't have to be friends with a guy named Enzo or Juergen. You don't have to pay an extra 40Gs for ambiance. You can spend 2x or 3x the price of a Mustang and end up with a really embarrassing vehicle that doesn't go very fast or handle very well.

The Mustang is the true "People's Car". The Volkswagen? Nice try Mr. Hitler, but you have to do better than that to beat out good old American knowhow.

WELCOME TO THE COIFOCRACY!

I'm hoping that the strong challenges from the Greens will REmind the Democratic Party what it is.
Ahem. Seattle's Mayor is that curious creature, the slightly left consensus-based somewhat decent business suck-up tyrant Greg Nickels, also, I might add, sporting an indestructible head topping his own self.

Also, Life Follows Today's Tomorrow's Headlines. (NASA TEEN EDUC PROGRAM ATTEMPT TO BE COOL FALLS FLAT)

GOVERNOR DECIDES INVESTIGATION OF GOVERNOR UNNECESSARY

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who promised after his election to seek an independent investigation into allegations that he groped or harassed women during his acting career, has changed his mind, an aide to the governor said Monday.

[What a relief! I was worried that an investigation would be necessary, but now that the governor has said that an investigation is not necessary, I will no longer be troubled by the thought that an investigation will be necessary. -LoM]

[That's two big piles for him to step in this week - one wonders what Chirstmas will bring! -PWP]

NOW THAT PHILIP MORRIS IS RUNNING AN ANTI-SMOKING CAMPAIGN...

Coke is going to lead the fight on obesity. In other news, MGM Mirage will make a major effort to stop gambling addiction, and a consortium of Columbian drug lords will run public service ads encouraging people to stop taking cocaine ("Let's All Pitch In: It's Everybody's Problem").

ATTEMPTING TO PROCESS GORE ENDORSING DEAN

I am at something of a loss for a reaction. Concern? Celebration? Confusion? Indifference? Help?

[As a great man once said, "I have no reaction to that information." -LoM]

[My first reaction was that I have no reaction to that information. Also my second. But why do I have no reaction? The man was Clinton's "managing partner" in an era when I thought the government had a clue. Why can't I think of anything to admire him for? Why, when you say "Al Gore", do I think "lockbox"? The environment was his bailiwick in the 90's - he apparently did a good job there. He was point man on disarmament in the former Soviet Union, and that's not a job you give to just anyone...

The big turnoff for me has been that Gore, while bright, sincere, and (by all accounts) a nice guy in private, is massively insecure - a major shortcoming in a leader. As the Washington Post said in their campaign bio:

"He was at once competent and self-confident about anything that he could translate into what he considered a question of fact, yet often insecure and plagued by self-doubt when it came to perceptions and emotions and aspects of life that could not be established with mathematical certainty.

"That is why he could deliver an hour-long extemporaneous lecture on global warming and yet need index cards as a crutch when saying a simple thank-you and goodbye to an aide who was resigning. It is why he could be described simultaneously, by the same people, as "the only adult in the White House" and "the most insecure person I've ever met in my life." It is why he could have a far subtler sense of humor and more even disposition than Bill Clinton, yet be perceived as a stiff while Clinton was thought of as an easygoing guy. Those first words of self-doubt that Gore uttered during his 1976 congressional campaign--How'm I doin'? How'm I doin'?--became the private mantra of his political career. "

Full Washington Post bio is here.

-MoF ]

THE FLOWERING OF A GREAT NATION

According to this story, North Korea sees a "rosy future" as its national tradition is brought "into full bloom."

[The national identity is withering away in many countries owing to the imperialists' vicious moves to obliterate the national culture under the pretext of "globalization." - Say it, Brother! -PWP]

YOU KNOW YOU'RE COUNTRY'S GOING DOWNHILL WHEN...

The local dictator announces he is pulling out of the Commonwealth. (A frustrated Commonwealth could not be reached for comment.)

AI ads on Headlines Interesting:

Note Joke and Corresponding Ad:

River Otter Reported Despondent (HELP SAVE OTTERS)

...US mints $500 Billion Coin; 12 issued to pay for deficit (NORTHERN NEVADA COIN - WE HAVE A LARGE SELECTION OF RARE COINS)

"Come Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" Christmases Up Men's Restroom (XMAS Comedy on CD - HYSTERIC CHRISTMAS PARODIES AT LAUGHS.COM)

BACK IN THE SADDLE

At last, "Russian election" has that special meaning again...

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE

Only two teams in the NFC have better W/L % than the Seahawks. Seahawks (8-5) still have better record than the upstart Bengals (7-6).

ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE

Bush flyin' ain't easy.

SOPHISTICATED SAN FRANCISCANS FOCUS ON ISSUES

...and which candidate is hotter...

OVERDUE BUT WELCOME: KERRY PIMP-SLAPS BUSH

LIFE GETTING YOU DOWN?

Come to the "Coalition Provisional Authority" website where every day is rosey!
http://www.cpa-iraq.org/ Remeber people of Iraq: Those aren't explosions you hear...that's the sound of progress!

LIFE GETTING YOU DOWN?

Come to the "Coalition Provisional Authority" website where every day is rosey!
http://www.cpa-iraq.org/

TODAYS' TOMORROW'S HEADLINES HERE

-I've gone over the deep end with these - here's a new blog for headlines only rather than have me blather too much here.

[Anything worth doing is worth overdoing, and this case in particular. -MoF]

TODAY'S TOMORROW'S HEADLINES

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE USED TO CLEAR MINEFIELD

MOB MUSCLES IN ON WOODLAND CREATURES

INQUISITIVE AUSTRIAN GORED BY RARE HORNED KOALA

GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ CONSTANTLY PESTERED BY NOISY, PUSHY NEIGHBORS

UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN PHILOSOPHY REVIEW: PLATO KIND OF A DICK

SILVER SURFER CONTACTS PRESIDENT WITH EMERGENCY SPACE KO-AN:
"You are the 3 sounds made
by the falling car keys of America
as they plunge through the sewage grate
of national being."

HILTON SISTERS BOLSTER CASE FOR STEEP NEW INHERITANCE TAX

IMPERFECT STORM MOISTENS PARKING LOT

ANONYMOUS TIPSTER FINGERS PREVIOUS ANONYMOUS TIPSTER

11 YEAR OLD: WAR GAME MAKES WAR LOOK FUN

JUDGE RULES 1000S OF MURDERERS FREED: LIBERAL WHIMSY

NASA TEEN EDUC PROGRAM'S ATTEMPT TO SOUND COOL FALLS FLAT

NEW LINCOLN NAVIGATOR EQUIPPED WITH SEGWAY TO SCOOT AROUND CAVERNOUS INTERIOR

ADORABLE KITTENS FALL HARMLESSLY OFF TABLES TO BACHMAN TURNER OVERDRIVE SONG

POP-IN-JAYS, FOPS, DANDIES MISTAKEN FOR METEROSEXUALS

TRENDY SHOPPERS REALIZE ONLY GOOD LOOKING PEOPLE IN TARGET STORE ARE ON GIANT FOAMBOARD PHOTOS

SCRUMPTIOUS TYRA BANKS, DELICIOUS PASTRAMI SANDWICH AT LOGGERHEADS

BUSH TALKED OUT OF SQUIRTING FLOWER GAG FOR QUEEN AT LAST MINUTE

ADORABLE KITTENS ORGANIZE, FORM DARLING UNION

AMERICAN IDOL TALENT THWARTED BY NAUSEATING MATERIAL

YALE CONFESSES: WE'LL LET IN ANY SNOT-NOSED ASSWIPE WITH SUPERWEALTH AND CONNECTIONS

DA VINCI PAINTING, RICH IN HIDDEN SYMBOLISM, REVEALS PASSING INTEREST IN CROP ROTATION

CONCEPTUAL ARTIST TOO LAZY TO STAND STILL, BELCH, ISSUE VIDEO DOCUMENTATION

OUT-OF-CONTROL ALCOHOLIC REACHES 13TH STEP

ADORABLE KITTENS UNION WALKS: REAL CREAM, LONGER NAPS

HILTON SISTERS MATR.... MACKTI... MATICUTICLE... START GOING TO YALE

MOOSE ISSUES DENIAL THROUGH SPOKES-ELK

CABLE CHANNEL'S VAUNTED 'ATTITUDE' JUST LOUDER ANNOUNCERS, MORE RAPID EDITING

SITCOM BASED ON PROUST'S SWANN'S WAY TO FEATURE LOVABLY QUIRKY FAMILY, CRAZY NEIGHBOR, TRADING OF GOOD-NATURED INSULTS

DOGGED QUESTIONS POSTPONE NIKE 'TRIUMPH OF THE WILL' CAMPAIGN

ADORABLE KITTENS STRIKE ERUPTS IN VIOLENCE: AIR PAWED, RUG SCRATCHED, YARN TANGLED, MEWING REPORTED DEAFENING

JESSICA SIMPSON ANGRILY RESPONDS SHE IS NOT HALF AS DUMB AS TWO BOXES OF HAIR

SUV SOILED

DOJ: KEN LAY NOT GUILTY BY REASON OF WEALTH

TAPE OF SENATOR LIEBERMAN'S VOICE USED TO DRIVE TERMITES FROM APARTMENT BUILDING

BREAK IN ADORABLE KITTENS' STRIKE AS LEAD UNION NEGOTIATORS DISTRACTED BY TOY MOUSE, ACCEPT HEAD SCRITCHES

ETHAN HAWKE REPORTEDLY STILL BANGING CANADIAN GIRLFRIEND AS WELL AS OWN HEAD ON WALL

FRIENDS CANNOT DISSUADE STEPHEN SEGALL FROM "OPHELIA" ROLE

STEPHEN KING COMPARES SELF TO WRITER

SIEGFRIED TIGER SELLING EXTENDED WARRANTIES AT CIRCUIT CITY

BUSH NOW CONVINCED ASIA NO LONGER COUNTRY

SAN FRANCISCO NEIGHBORHOOD DISCOVERS BUILDING CODE REQUIRES GINGERBREAD

ADORABLE KITTENS SETTLE FOR INCREASED ATTENTION, RETURN TO LAPS

DEMOCRATS UNABLE TO PROCESS WIDESPREAD SPONTANEOUS SUPPORT

WELCOME TO SACRAMENTO, ASSHOLE

Governor loses battle on budget.


["Hasta La WHOOOOAAAAA-HO-HO!!!!!" -PWP]

THE VIRTUES OF HARMONY

This is my wife's favorite show. It's basically "Friends" with medieval torture. Not bad, actually...

[All together now- "I thought Friends was medieval torture!"-PWP]

[No kidding - I actually saw this episode: "When the emperor first sees Nancy's face, he is very surprised. The reason is soon learned that in the palace, hidden in a dark room, is another women that looks exactly like Nancy. Stephanie and Lun check up on her and she is in a big urn; her arms and legs have been chopped off by the two and they torture her and refuse to let her die." But they play it for laughs quite well... -MoF]

[I think I remember seeing this show - no subtitles, but I thought- you know, this isn't boring.-PWP]

TODAY'S TOMORROW'S HEADLINES

NOKBOR 7: NEW U.S. SPACE INITIATIVE PITIFUL SCHEME OF PUNY HUMAN INTELLECTS

KRIS KRINGLE JUST NOT IN THE MOOD

BUSH "CAN'T RECALL" EXACT MOMENT OF BECOMING WORST U.S. PRESIDENT

INDUSTRY GROUP TOUTS ROBOT CONSUMERS: NEVER TIRE OF BUYING

SURGERY WAITING ROOM LACKS NON-DAIRY CREAMER

GOVERNMENT, VEGAN, ATKINS DIET GROUPS REACH CONSENSUS ON AVOCADO SLICES

GALA DERIDED AS HOOPLA

FIRE ALARM PROBABLY JUST NOTHING

STREET HIPPIE OFFERS AFTERNOON TEA SERVICE

BAPTIST SERIOUSLY UNNERVED BY ATTRACTIVE, ETHNICALLY NON-SPECIFIC TRANSSEXUAL

RESPECTED ARTIST CAN THINK OF 'NO REAL GOOD USE' FOR HUNDREDS OF DIFFERENT COLORED FELT-TIP PENS

RECIPIENT OF OVERNIGHT EXPRESS PACKAGE CONTAINING BONUS FOLDING CHAIR FROM CREDIT CARD COMPANY REALLY COULD HAVE WAITED

VIDEO DIRECTOR CONFUSES OWN WORK WITH ART, RECEIVES SNOTTY LETTER FROM MET

PALESTINIAN MAN ADMITS WOULD PROBABLY SETTLE FOR APARTMENT AND FREE CABLE

U.S.ARMY PERPLEXED BY IRAQI RESENTMENT: HEADS SLAMMED AGAINST WALL FOR VERY GOOD REASON

NATIONAL EMPLOYMENT ANALYST HIRED BY GOP; JOBLESSNESS DECLINES BY 1.

MAN SUSPECTS WOMAN UNLIKELY TO FIND PERFECT SHOE

SELF-ADJUSTING ALL-WHEEL DRIVE, VARIABLE SUSPENSION, INTEGRATED, VOICE-CONTROLLED ONSTAR GPS NAVIGATION SYSTEM INSUFFICIENT TO COMPENSATE FOR TOTAL DRIVER CLUELESSNESS

LAST SEATTLE RESIDENT TO NOT DETEST COURTNEY LOVE REALLY BEGINNING TO WONDER SOMETIMES

B-GRADE TV CELEBRITY ENDORSES HOOKED-ON-PHONICS; GRADE DROPS TO C.

HOW BADLY DID THE GOP WANT THE MEDICARE BILL?

"Media reports have alleged that an undisclosed Republican told Rep. Nick Smith (news, bio, voting record), R-Mich., that if he voted for the bill, business interests would contribute $100,000 to help his son, Brad, succeed him. Smith is not seeking re-election in 2004. His son is one of several Republican candidates running for the seat.

" 'Not only was this bribe offered to a member of Congress, it was offered on the floor of the House of Representatives by another member of Congress,' McAuliffe wrote Ashcroft."

Smith now denies the money was offered.

KNOW YOUR HOMELESS ENCLAVES

The Chronicle will probably get a Pulitzer for this, even though they stole the "Shame of the City" title from Fletch. Here's your handy-dandy map and key to homeless zones in SF.

GOP: SUPPORT PORK, OR GET NONE

Taken together, the denial of earmarks in the two spending bills codifies a Republican plan to instill a Pavlovian response into lawmakers: If you vote against a bill, don’t expect any earmarks.

EXPLAIN THE SYMBOLISM

Shouldn't Reagan's picture be on some type of debt vehicle?

TODAY'S TOMORROW'S HEADLINES

VOLCANO EMITS PLEASANT BANANA-LIKE ODOR

AP: REUTERS BITES

STYLISH, ATTRACTIVE COUPLE DISCUSSING HOT SEX UNACCOUNTABLY DORKY

DRIVING SQUIRREL CAN'T FIND KEYS

ASSHOLE CALLS KETTLE "ASSHOLE"

ORGAN FED UP: G.O.P. HEAD GILLISPE STRANGLED INTERNALLY BY OWN COLON

EARTH DIAGNOSED WITH BI-POLAR DISORDER

WESTERN CIVILIZATION DECLINED AT BEST BUY

MEDIOCRE PERSONALITY MAGNIFIED BY NATIONAL MEDIA EXPOSURE

LEGENDARY KUNG-FU MASTER SPORTS INEXPENSIVE TOUPEE

NOSTRILS OF DISCOVERY LEAST POPULAR IMAX FILM
[Nostrils of financial analyst spew coffee on keyboard. -MoF ]

EX-PUNK, 37, CATCHES SELF CALLING PUNKS "DAMN PUNKS"

TV FAMILY MAY EXPERIENCE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

OLD NAVY DEBUTS CONTROVERSIAL THIGH-HUGGERS

ASTROPHYSICIST LOCATES TOOTHPASTE

BRITANNY SPEARS KICKED OUT OF BED: SALTINES

STONED TEENS LEARN CAPITAL OF THAILAND: GIGGLE FIT ENTERS 17th HOUR

MADAGASCAR COUPLE DISPUTES CELINE DION'S ARTISTIC MERIT

OWNER SIGHS AS $58,000 CAR BRINGS SINGLE FLEETING MOMENT OF CONTENTMENT

MYANMAR POLITICAL PRISONERS OUTFOX LOVABLY FOOLISH GUARDS

CONGRESS IN LITERAL UPROAR; WINDOWS BREAK, 2 HOSPITALIZED, HOWLING DISTURBS ELDERLY NEIGHBOR

GAY EXECUTIVE'S PERSONAL STRUGGLE ACTUALLY NOT PARTICULARLY DIFFICULT

ARTIST PSYCHED BY DISPROPORTIONATELY ATTRACTIVE GIRLFRIEND

WORLD RELIEF AT VOICE-ACTIVATED U.S. NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES REQUIREMENT:
"NUCLEAR" MUST BE PRONOUNCED CORRECTLY
[This is the funniest thing I have read this year. -MoF ]

INTELLECTUAL ANNOYED BY SUCCESSFUL USE OF WHACK LINE AT CLUB

IS IT POSSIBLE ALL THIS SLAVERY AND OPPRESSION IS SCHMUTZING UP OUR FREEDOM LESSON?

-DR. ZOIDBERG

MODEST DOES NOT PREVENT ME

After a slow start, my whatsbetter.com item, "Getting in the Face of the Man" has now reached a score of 302. It resides between "Winning the Lottery" (303) and "Itchy" [Anna Kournikova's butt] (301). As near as I can tell, this is the most useful thing I have done this year.

[I note that Uma beats Oprah, 47 to 1.-PWP]

ASK A MAN WHO KNOWS

"Very often the most likely to succeed in these stormy oceans are not the picture-perfect, clean-shaved, deep-tanned, well-built, and fashionably attired yachtsmen under the immaculate white sails," says Lev, reading from a prepared statement, "but unpleasant-looking ugly skippers in command of a pirate ship. One should not be appalled. These are the laws of initial capital acquisition, applicable everywhere."


[LENIN GRAVE GENERATOR ADDS 15% TO MOSCOW POWER GRID-PWP]

TODAY'S TOMORROW'S HEADLINES

PORN STAR CLITORIS LOCATED

INJURED PIRATE APPRECIATES FRUIT BASKET

WAL-MART OPENS INSIDE IDENTICAL WAL-MART: DOUBLES SPACE, HALVES WAGES

CAPTAIN AMERICA'S STRIPPER DAUGHTER, LT. HIMALAYAS, DENOUNCES NAZI HAIR SCHEME

LEMURS DUMBFOUNDED

CRYING, RED-FACED VP CHENEY LEFT TOO LONG IN FRED MEYER 'FUN PEN'

ADORABLE KITTENS PERPLEXED BY YARN

GIMMICK NORTH, SOUTH DAKOTA TRADE EMBARGO FAILS TO GENERATE SALES

SHOPPER VISITS RECORD 437 MALLS: REPORTS VAGUE SENSE OF DISSATISFACTION, ALIENATION

AMATEUR DRYLY COMIC HEADLINE WRITER PLEADS FOR INTERVENTION

DEATH METAL SINGER FIRED FROM TELEMARKETING JOB

UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN STUDY CONFIRMS CLARION, WI TEENAGE GIRL "TOTALLY LAMEST PERSON EVER"

CHINESE GOVERNMENT LEASES CULTURAL REVOLUTION COPYRIGHT TO MTV 2

CHEEKY MONKEY ASHAMED

[I just wanted to say how much I enjoy reading TODAY'S TOMORROW'S HEADLINES. -LoM]
[Concur. -MoF]

GANG OF FOURGASM

Chinese planning rap album saluting Mao.

[ Maybe they got the idea from A3 (the band famous for the opening theme to "The Sopranos":
"Mao Tse Tung said Change must come,
Change must come through the barrel of a gun,
Not through talkin' and not through waitin',
And just sittin' around just contemplatin',
The effects, cuz we know what they are,
So let Mao Tse Tung be your guide to star-dom,
Pick up the gun, learn how to fight,
All through the day and all through the night,
Til the day that the last fight's won,
I want you to listen, son,
Cuz' Mao Tse Tung said change must come,
Through the barrel...of a gun."
- LoM]

MEANWHILE, IN HOLLYWOOD...

Pitch Guy: We're going to re-make BattleStar Galactica, but with chicks as Cylons.
Producer: What about the stars?
Pitch Guy: Instead of Dirk Benedict, we'll cast a hot chick.
Producer: Will it be edgy?
Pitch Guy: Yes, it will be edgy.

[And I thought it would be yarns before those Hollywood daggets would scrape the last millicentons of the bottom of that space-barrel. -LoM]

[The moment one of the Cylon "chicks" says "by your command," this turkey is headed for the Spike Network. -UttDC]

MORE LO-CARBOHYDRATE NEWS

Discussion Items for members of "Citizens for Sensible Human Food Consumption":

1. Should we take a policy decision on pan frying?
2. Consumer said meal improved his ability to speak English. Is this a selling point for us?

He was asking for it

[How dare you politicize this issue by linking it with (*gasp*) homosexuality?! - MoF]

MARSCH MERITS VOLATILE BIRTHDATE FELCITATIONS

Huzzizzle!!

[Thank you, brother. -LoM]
[Hear hear! (When does the carousin' start?) -MoF]

TODAY'S TOMORROW'S HEADLINES

CANDY-ASS ALASKAN MAULED BY GUMMY BEAR

FDA RECONSIDERS 'EASY-OFF' AMPUTATION GEL

CAREFUL SEARCH OF UPPER VOLTA REVEALS 1.2 MILLION U.S. JOBS

20 YEAR TREND: AMERICAN WOMEN SOMEWHAT "HOTTER"

ANN COULTER'S MANHOOD CHALLENGED

TINY, TINY MAN BRUSHES OFF TINY, TINY, TINY MAN

DISGRUNTLED OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY BITES BUSH IN ASS

FRITO-LAY CELEBRATES GREATEST AVERAGE U.S. WAISTLINE

AUGUSTUS CEASAR SUES U.S: TRADE SECRETS

TALK SHOW DEGENERATES INTO REASONED DISCOURSE

COMPUTER OPERATOR REPLACED BY COMPUTER-OPERATING ROBOT

NATIONAL DEFICIT ACCUSED OF CHILD MOLESTATION

WASTE DISPOSAL ISSUE DERAILS ATOMIC WEDGIE

BUSH BYPASSES BIN LADEN IN "PISS OFF-TOTALITY OF EARTH" CONTEST

BOEING FORCED TO SHELVE BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

COURTNEY LOVE "JONESING" FOR MACRAME

AS A FARMER, I APPLAUD THIS

If ethanol were made from sugar, we would never hear a word about it until the snows had melted and it was time to start considering the sacred cows in warmer regions. But it is in corn country that the first significant event of the presidential season occurs, and every Democrat with a hope of winning the Iowa caucus in January is vowing to make every American put ethanol in the tank. It seems like a very long time ago that John McCain began his quest for the Republican nomination by bluntly denouncing ethanol as an environmentally dubious ripoff of the nation's drivers.

COOL TOO

The P-38 also has its partisans, including, huh-huh...Richard...huh-huh...Bong...huh huh...

FLU EPIDEMI-MATIC

This tells you how bad the flu is in your area. San Francisco: Not too bad. Anchorage: Real bad.

If anyone gets Tamiflu, please let me know.

[Seattle, slightly awful but largely over]

LAIRD WEARS "BIRTHDAY" KILT -- FILM AT 11

Today is my 40th birthday. Yesterday, my Utilikilt arrived. Interpreting this as The Hand of Fate, I wore it to work today.

So far, I've not seen one of these in San Francisco. I think I'll go down to Pete's now and parade it in front of the bike messengers.

For those who think mechanical watches too new-fangled

TODAY'S TOMORROW'S HEADLINES

MANIC-DEPRESSIVE FEELING "SO-SO"

PARIS HILTON NARROWLY MISSES BEING IGNORED

FOX CRAWLER MISSPELLS "PINKO"

NOBEL ECON. LAUREATE AWARDED 50 "BONUS BUCKS"

JACKSON LAWYER REVERSES DENIAL, CONDEMNS ADMISSION

BUSH SAYS BELGIANS "COULDN'T BE MORE GAY."

NEW QUANTUM DIET: BODY CAN'T LOCATE CALORIES

HEE-HAW RADIO HOST REPLACES KORN SINGER ON TOUR

BATMAN: ASHCROFT "PRUNE-FACED TURBO-NAZI"

SO-CALLED 'TIME-LOZENGE' INDUCES P-51 ATTACK ON NORTH BEACH

"THE MEDICARE BILL IS A WASHINGTON-STYLE MAFIA BUSTOUT"

What do you really think?

P-51 SUCKS, CORSAIR RULES

According to this totally objective Internet guy.

BOY HAS TWO MOMMIES, ONE BIG BROTHER

Pen Not Mightier Than Uruk-Hai

POTENTATE FLYING WING SLANDER REFUTED

If the Germans were going to bomb New York I think they would have chosen one of their rocket-ships for the task.

[GUESS ITS MISSION]

[Yes, true, but rather farther off. A flying wing fighter was actually flown before the end of the war - the bomber version was called the "Amerika" bomber. -PWP]

[Here's a diagram of the German flying wing, and here's more on the space-plane "Amerika" bomber. - MoF ]

FORM, FUNCTION, WHATEVER

I think the X-3 had the best logo of the top-secret experimental aircraft programs. They even put it on the control stick.

[Excellent, has rather a "Space Ghost" quality. -PWP]

AIRCRAFT APPRECIATION REBUTTAL BY UNQUALIFIED ASSERTION

The P-51 was the supreme Allied fighter, in function, air-to-air effectiveness, and ineffable nobility, particularly in defeating dangerous matched opponents like the 190 and curiosities like ME-262s, V1s. The Spitfire, unrivaled in aesthetics, and its ugly stepsister the Hurricane, SAVED THE WORLD AT THE ESSENTIAL MOMENT with desparate grace. The Corsair, a powerful fighter, was ungainly, ill-deployed, and late - like a hair band in 1995.

The Curtis Jenny was the DEMOCRATIC HEART AND SOUL of aviation at its most joyful.

Although these flying wings look fun, the flying wing was originally a Nazi design for bombing New York with WMDs. The related Stealth bomber, (directly related as it turns out) you may have read, does not take kindly to becoming WET.

Any airhole could obliterate speed records in an X-15. YEAGER flew the - again rather graceful- X1 into unknown possibilities.

I cannot let the B-17 be disrespected as anything less than the greatest of all operational bombers.

A small group of Seattle area aviators with WAY TOO MUCH MONEY are building and trying to market reproduction ME 262s.

You say Fokker triplane, I say SE 5.

SPORTS BLURB HEAVEN-

SEAHAWKS: MYSTERY MEAT OF THE NFL (SEATTLE PI)

THIS AIRPLANE HALL OF FAME SUCKS

Let's try this again, and let's focus on what really matters: coolness.

10. SR-71 Blackbird. OK, no argument there.
9. The Boeing what-what? You want to talk mid-century flying boats, you're talking the PBY Catalina. And nothing else.
8. Carl Ben Eielson did everything people do in Cessnas and more, but he did it in a much cooler Lockheed Vega.
7. Hard to argue with the ME-262, turns out there might still be a few under the Berlin airport.
6. Curtiss Jenny my ass. Fokker Triplane!
5. P-51s have their following, as do Spits but the Corsair is cooler. I mean side-by-side it's AC/DC vs. Milli Vanilli.
4. The Flying Wing. If you insist on an operational bomber, may I recommend the B-70?
3. The X-15 is awesome, but the X-3 pegs the cool-ometer. The X-1? I'm sorry, and I hope an orderly arrives shortly with your medication.
2. The Starfighter. You might quibble that it couldn't turn, or carry a big payload, or dogfight. But if you're writing a paperback novel about a fighter pilot, this baby's going to be on the cover.
1. Cargo planes suck. The Goblin is the coolest plane ever.

Honorable Mention:
The Gee-Bee - "I'm sorry sir, but to win, someone has to have survived flying the aircraft."
The Morane Bullet
P-61 Black Widow
The Stealth Bomber
Gossamer Condor
Grumman Goose

...and if you must send a cargo plane, make mine a Lockheed Electra.

THE TERRIFYING NEW WAR MACHINE

Dissatisfied with the mediocre child-maiming results of the civilian model, Pentagon anticipates that Segway robots will dominate the unobstructed paved electricity-abundant battlefield of the future.

Ah yes, the final act of the classic inventor's scam..."we are this close to a big order from the government that will put this company in the black!"

[See this related commentary. -LoM]

LOTR:TTT SPECIAL EXTENDED EDITION

We watched the special extended version of The Two Towers last night. Like the special extended version of the first LOTR movie, it was much improved by the additional footage.

Of particular note was a flashback sequence (not from the book) featuring Borimir, Farimir, and Denethor just before Borimir sets off to for the Council of Elrond. It goes a long way towards "rehabilitating" Borimir (to see him before he gets "ring fever"), and to explain Farimir's actions as they deviated from those in the book.

If anything, the special editions are making me a little peeved that they didn't release the 4-hour versions to the theaters in the first place.

CARBS SO DEADLY, INTERCEPTION REQUIRED

None of that sissy Phase 1 starch neutralization, either.

[There'd better be a big discount on the used ones - UttDC]

MORE HEADLINES

BECK ALBUM SAID TO BE DEPRESSING

GOP DENOUNCES DEMOCRATS FOR CRITICIZING REPUBLICANS

MIDEAST CONFLICT UNLIKELY TO BE RESOLVED QUICKLY

MICROSOFT SOFTWARE BUGGY, EASILY PIRATED

FAR FROM HOME, FACING POPULAR RESENTMENT AND A REVITALIZED INSURGENCY...

Yes, the French Army's having a rough go of it.

In case you were wondering, Abidjan is very large, has a population of around 3 mm.

If PWP's Boat Remains Unamed

May I suggest this broadside against superstition: Challumbia

[ Andrea Lusitanic - MoF ]